Hiding From Seagulls Read online

  In A One-Horse Open Sleigh

  I can't describe to you exactly what I was thinking as I pulled the sleigh seatbelt tight.

  I had a vague memory of being ready for a school trip. Then I had liked the mystery, not knowing where I was going had made it all more exciting. That was before I was joined by the man teddy and chased by seagulls, bloodsuckers and a mad Duchess who wanted to classify me neatly into one of her tidy little categories.

  At that very moment in time I was amused by the fact that Santa's sleigh really does have seatbelts. Despite what I had seen already I still felt uneasy about what was about to happen. Ordinarily I wasn't great in the air, not fantastic I admit. In a plane my stomach turns at take off, I don't look down the whole way and the less said about the landing the better. This however was different. I had been in the air using the technology and comfort of a full passenger plane. Today I would be flying supposedly with the use of flying reindeer that are fuelled, I assume, by plants and the odd lemming they might have eaten. While we were on that topic don't lemmings fall off cliffs anyway? I really hoped that these reindeer were not what they eat.

  I thought about the time I had been in the car with my mother and the red engine warning light had come on. How much worry and anger it had caused when we had needed to change our plans and head for the nearest garage. The problem here was that reindeer did not have that red warning light. Their pilot was an ancient looking grouchy old man who claimed to be Santa but in truth he could have been anybody. I had not asked him for any identification and I wasn't sure Santa even had a passport. If he did which country would he be registered with? It was whilst I was having these nagging doubts that Edward the elderly sounding gentleman I mentioned earlier, whom as well as being a thief liked to dress as a bear, pulled his seatbelt very tight.

  He then looked at me and said “Brace yourself.”

  You would think that a ride on the most famous sleigh in the world would be the experience of a lifetime. Being up above the clouds looking at the world sleeping below. I am sorry to report that the reality wasn't quite as majestic as all that. The sleigh was pulled forward into a chimney-like upward tunnel. From then all I could see around me looked like the blue waves of the ocean mixed with static electricity. It had more in common with my flight to Spain last year, only with more turbulence. Every now and again I got a glimpse of the world below. When I did it looked very beautiful if a little blurry.

  I was more like looking out of the window while driving on a motorway than holding on to a snowman’s arm and flying. We existed in the air and yet seemingly outside of time. I got to thinking that this was how the last few days had felt. I existed outside of time, and outside of rules and boundaries of our normal world.

  …

  “Well dear, you got to ride in Santa's sleigh. That's wonderful,” Mrs Huntington said with that big old woman smile. She still didn't believe a word and honestly? I could not blame her.

  “More tea,” she offered already sliding away into the kitchen. Geoff gave her a nod as did I.

  Geoff waved his index finger and began his recap. He did this from time to time

  “So now there's you, your friends from school, Santa and the bear man right?”

  I nodded.

  “They’re taking you to the Duchess of Disapproval to get approved off?”

  “That is it yeah.”

  Geoff looked round the door checking that his wife was still making the tea and out of earshot.

  “The missus doesn't think we should talk to you about a man bear and a Duchess. Thinks it feeds an unhealthy imagination. It probably does, however, I would not mind hearing how this ends up.”

  I wasn't offended. I knew that Mrs Huntington didn't believe what I was saying and in a way neither did Geoff. But it didn't matter because Geoff took interest enough to want to hear my story before calling his judgement. Geoff was like that all the time. He an took interest in whatever I was interested in and could hold conversations on video games and the latest films. But I digress.

  I stared blankly at Geoff who met my gaze and swirled his index finger around a time or two.

  “It's getting late Tommy,” he said.

  I took a look at the clock. I had to go home in fifty minutes. Just about time to tell him of the Duchess.

  “So there's you, your friends and a man bear in the sledge,” Geoff began as both a reminder for me and a prompt to carry on.

  ..

  We came to the coastline. Now I could see the sandy beach as the sleigh descended. The beach was deserted and it was the first time I had seen a place this empty. It was a little unnerving to see miles and miles of bare sandy beaches

  Ahead of us, standing out from the sky so blue it looked like a stage backdrop, was the sandcastle. It looked just like one I had made on the beach a few years back. Making that sandcastle had taken me over three hours. It had four towers and a moat. This sandcastle was almost identical. Well apart from being the largest building that I had ever seen.

  Santa Claws began the sleigh's descent.

  “This is as close to the Duchess as I need to go,” he said apologetically slowly guiding his evil-looking reindeer nearer to the ground.

  “There is a road going to the castle but you can only get there when the tide washes out.”

  When I dared to look below I could see Raheam Akbar's bus navigating the winding narrow roads along the coast. I don't think I had ever been happier to see him.

  It felt like my brain was squeezing against my forehead as the Man of Christmas turned and lowered the sleigh a little more. I think he had found the place he was going to land.

  “The Duchess will look at each of you. She will know everything about you and will use that knowledge against you,” he warned.

  “Oh that won't work on me. I am not afraid of anything or anyone,” Rob replied.

  “That is what they all say,” Claws grunted.

  The sleigh then seemed to bounce for a second and then I felt sand in my face. It was kicked back by the reindeer as they had tried to steady their feet adjusting from air to ground.

  Santa turned to face us for the final time.

  “When a person gets presented with exactly what they are it is very hard to not be frightened.”

  “That is silly. Why would I be afraid of myself?” Rob dismissed.

  “It is wise to fear yourself more than you fear anyone else in the world,” the Man of Christmas responded forcefully.

  “You sir," he pointed at Simon.

  "You have it right. Respect the culture where you are, no matter where you are."

  "What if we are different? What if we don't fit in here?"

  Claws heard Simon’s question but did not respond. He took some sweets from his pocket.

  “Take them,” he demanded.

  “Everyone who sees Santa should get a little something.

  "There's a bus stop just up there. I think it is running a little late."

  I had no doubt Raheam would be there soon enough, because we needed him, and in this land that was enough.

  It would soon be time to climb aboard that bus one last time.

  The Last Ride